DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband’s blown our son’s savings on Pokémon cards and the pair aren’t talking. How do I fix this?
Since our son was born, my husband and I have been setting aside some money each month.
For more advice from Dear Deidre
No issue is too small, too large or too embarrassing. Read our personal replies here.
The plan was for this money to help him financially through university and even provide a deposit for his first house.
He’s 18, my husband’s 45 and I’m 43.
I thought it was odd that my husband started stalling when I told him we should give our son access to his money.
I found out what had happened when I opened the account – it had been almost completely drained, with just £340 left of the £21,000 nest-egg.
I was even more shocked as it turns out my husband had spent almost all the money on Pokemon cards of all things!
He said he’d read that some of the cards were worth up to £105,000, and he thought that he’d be able to make our son more money this way.
His reasoning: “If this is what they’re worth now, just imagine after 50 years!”
I’m stunned that he could be so stupid. What good is a load of cards to our son who has £4,000 in rent to pay before August next year?
Most crushing is the fact he did all this behind our backs.
My son is furious. Since he left for uni in September he hasn’t spoken to his dad.
Get in touch with Deidre
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
While I’m furious with my husband, I also know how bad he feels. He hasn’t had a full night’s sleep since this all came up.
But how can I forgive him when I’m still so angry?
DEIDRE SAYS: You and your son have every right to feel angry and let down.
After all, your husband (his dad) effectively stole that money from him. He’s been deceived by someone he should have been able to trust.
Sit down with your husband and come up with a plan of how he is going to pay it back. Perhaps he could set up a standing order that he has to stick to.
He has a lot of making up to do and if you and your son see he is willing to put his efforts into repaying the money, you all have a better chance of moving forward.
This is still very raw, so give your son some time. Hopefully he will try to repair the relationship once he is ready.
But it may take more than a simple apology. Some family counselling would be wise – my support pack How Counselling Works shows you where to get support.
Also contact familylives.org.uk (0808 800 2222) who will be able to advise.