Welp, it happened. He finally did it. Kyrie Irving carried himself like a martyr for the entirety of the NBA season, and now it’s official. He thinks he’s a martyr.
“I had the opportunity to play away games still, but there was no plan in place, there was no vision of how it was going to work for our team. And I think that really impacted not just me, but a lot of people. Just had to sit in that hot seat for a little bit and deal with it. The life of a martyr, bro.”
Excuse the truth that — as my editor identified in Slack — martyrs are by definition useless, ask the members of the family of deceased anti-vaxxers how effectively their martyrdom handled them.
Here at Deadspin, we’ve coated Irving’s idiocy at size, so in lieu of the standard few paragraphs full of shock and jokes adopted by a (hopefully) intelligent sign-off, I’m going to strive one thing totally different.
The most outlandish factor he mentioned in that quote isn’t his admission that extra individuals than simply himself had been impacted by his unvaccinated standing. (Do you assume he got here to the conclusion that being unvaccinated can have a broad impression all by himself, or did somebody present him a listing of all of the individuals who had been contract-traced on account of him strolling round with seen COVID the best way you possibly can see odor emanating from Pigpen?) The most asinine side of Irving’s rambling nonsense is dropping “bro” after describing your self as a martyr.
Using “bro” in a sentence is reserved for snowboarders on a gondola throughout a powder day, or frat guys describing a sizzling chick at an EDM live performance, or the Tracksuit Mafia in Hawkeye.
I imply, it could make sense if it’s a tic in Irving’s speech. Anytime I say “bro” in informal dialog, it’s to make enjoyable of bros who say “bro” on a regular basis. Honestly, “Kyrie Irving: Bro or martyr?” feels like a stable investigative journalism piece.
However, I’m not going to try this both. I’m simply going to rattle off a bunch of phrases that ought to by no means finish with “bro.”
– Doctor to affected person: “You have Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma, bro.”
– Parent to baby: “You were adopted, bro.”
– Maury to visitor: “You ARE the father, bro.”
– Spider-Man to Tony Stark: “I don’t feel so good, bro.”
– Waiter to diner: “How would you like your New York strip cooked, bro?”
– Employee to boss: “When do you need that by, bro?”
– Boyfriend to girlfriend: “I gave you the clap, bro.”
– Girlfriend to boyfriend: “I’m pregnant, bro.”
– Supreme Court to America: “We’re overturning Roe v. Wade, bro.”
– John the Apostle to his flock: “If God is all you have, you have all you need, bro.”
– Aesop: “A liar will not be believed, even when he speaks the truth, bro.”
– Kyrie Irving to the hosts of the ETCS Podcast: “The life of a martyr, bro.”
That’s it. That’s all I’ve. I wasted all my artistic juices on the bro quotes, so no witty final line. You could return to your day.