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I was going to ask my girlfriend to marry me but now I’ve found out she was a porn star

DEAR DEIDRE: I WAS on track to ask my girlfriend to marry me, but I’ve learned she was a porn star.

Now I find it tough to even look at her.

I was going to ask my girlfriend to marry me but now I've found out she was a porn star

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I was going to ask my girlfriend to marry me but now I’ve found out she was a porn star

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She is 32 and I’m 37. I made the discovery after one of her exes messaged me on Facebook with a link to the BDSM section of an adult website featuring my girlfriend.

He’d tracked me down by looking at her sister’s profile — my girlfriend isn’t on social media at all.

My girlfriend always said I should expect to hear from him at some stage because he was the type to cause problems.

Immediately I knew this man was out for revenge — and I wish I hadn’t listened to him.

I confronted her as soon as she walked into our flat after work that day and her stunned ­reaction told me straight away her ex was telling the truth.

She begged me not to look at the videos and said she wanted to leave that life behind.

She admitted she had enjoyed making saucy films but then started to feel pressured by her ex, the one who contacted me. Over time she said he pestered her to do more and more extreme films.

Worried she would never be able to do anything else, she continued the work for longer than she wanted.

Eventually she decided she’d had enough and ditched her old life completely.

She cut ties with her boyfriend, her work, all her friends from that time in her life and moved cities. I thought it was strange she didn’t seem to have many friends.

She’d clam up whenever I asked her about her life before we met. Now it all makes sense.

I wish I’d never looked but curiosity got the better of me and I checked out her videos.

Although we are sexually adventurous, we have both said we are not interested in having threesomes, orgies, swapping partners or voyeurism. We like our sex life to be exclusive.

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So seeing her have sex with many different men and women was awful — and like an idiot, I watched it all.

How can I get those images out of my head? I wish I’d never seen any of them.

DEIDRE SAYS: Rarely do the colourful details of someone’s past help and, as you are discovering, such images are hard to move on from.

Your girlfriend has chosen to be with you and is committed to your relationship.

You saw a happy future together before and can still achieve that – but you will have to accept her history.

If you are still struggling, it would be good for you to seek more help, both or alone. Get online counselling at tavistockrelationships.org.

NEXT IN TODAY’S DEAR DEIDRE I’m a single dad — how do I talk to my son about sex?

READ DEIDRE’S PHOTO CASEBOOK Jamie tells Lara’s he can’t go through with the wedding

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